


when the light comes

by moriphyte



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Drinking, F/F, F/M, Gen, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Mental Health Issues, Smoking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-27
Updated: 2016-03-27
Packaged: 2018-05-29 08:31:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6366949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moriphyte/pseuds/moriphyte
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"When I hold you in this night-soaked bed it is courage for the day I seek. Courage that when the light comes I will turn towards it. It couldn’t be simpler. It couldn’t be harder. In this little night-covered world with you, I hope to find what I long for; a clue, a map, a bird flying south, and when the light comes we will get dressed together and go."<br/>- Jeanette Winterson</p><p>There's a girl named after a flower who spends her days sitting in the back of an occult bookshop turning pages of old tomes with salt bitten fingers painted with chipping purple nail polish trying to forget about her mother's passing<br/>There's a boy with bicolored eyes that never sleeps and spends his days in his shitty little apartment, coding and playing hacked versions of old computer games<br/>They meet through a friend of his who loves dead things just like her brother. They talk about her suction cup bruises and salt water vomit and his headaches and sleepless nights. They agree to help each other out, because thats what fucked up people do for each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. salt rock girl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “No one wants to be remembered for their death, or rather, I don’t. So why do I remember hers and remember hers? I”   
> ― Ada Limon, Bright Dead Things
> 
> Rose is a thinker, she always has been, but she doesn't like to think about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's raining again and I'm watching foreign films on Netflix and listening to Rose playlists on 8tracks

**Rose**

  
It's cold outside as you make your way through the grimy back alleys of the city, ignoring everyone around you as they ignore you. You dig into your mess of a bag until your fingers find a loose cigarette and a lighter. You put the cigarette to your lips and hold the lighter to the end until it catches.  
You walk the rest of the way down the alley smoking and enjoying the smell of the smoke   
Dave says it's weird that you like the smell but he didn't grow up with your mother. It always reminds you of her, that and Vodka, and as much as you don't want to think about her you also miss her so much it hurts   
When you come to a door set back in the cracking concrete wall you drop your cigarette to the ground and crush it under your shoe. Adjusting your bag on your shoulder you push your way through the heavy wooden door of the occult bookstore, 'Horrorterrors'  
The bell over the door chimes as you enter and the you pull it closed behind you as you kick rock salt off your boots into the stained dark carpet on the sagging floor  
At the counter surrounded by piles of books and other weird shit a girl with wild black hair looks up from a book she's reading and gives you a red lipstick smile  
"Oh hey Rose" she says, shutting her book and sitting up  
"Hello Aradia" you say, nodding her way  
"Would you like some tea?" She asks, gesturing to the old metal teapot on the counter beside her  
"I'm fine for now but thank you"  
"What are you in for today?" She asks  
You shrug and set your bag down beside the old dusty armchair in the corner of the room, "you know, the usual"  
"Anything special?"  
"Well, I was actually looking for some medicinal books if you have any"  
Aradia grins, "of course we do" she says, jumping up from her seat at the counter and walking quickly passed you to a shelf farther down the wall you currently sit against  
"What's wrong if I may ask?"   
Your stomach twists and you bite your chapped lip, "just some stomach problems. What about you, anything interesting lately?"  
"I've been reading a really interesting book on tarot, I'm even working on creating my own deck. If you're not feeling well I can give you a reading, I can even make you some of the special tea I just brewed, it's supposed to help with your stomach"  
"That would be great actually but I can't today, I have to get to work"  
Aradia nods, "of course, come by later this week, you know I'm always here"  
"Does anyone else even work here?"  
"You've seen my sister around"  
"Yeah but she usually just stands outside and smokes  
Aradia nods, "yeah, Damara doesn't really like this stuff, at least not as much as I do"  
"I don't think anyone likes this stuff as much as you do, Aradia"  
She grins, "my mother is around sometimes too but I haven't seen her in a while"  
"Is your mother the owner? I've never been clear on that"  
"No, some man named Dr. Scratch is the owner, I've only met him a few times but apparently he helped my mom out when she first moved here. I don't know very much about him but whenever he comes around Damara glares and curses at him in Japanese"  
Your stomach twists  
Scratch  
"I have to go" you say, standing up abruptly causing the book in your lap to fall to the ground  
"Oh, okay, well I'll look around for some books for you and set them aside"  
"Thanks" you say, quickly gathering up your things and pulling on your coat  
"Bye Rose" Aradia calls and you wave as you rush out the door and let it slam closed behind you  
You walk as fast as you can through the streets until you reach your apartment building  
You climb the stairs to your floor and your hands are shaking so badly that it takes a few tries before you can get the door to unlock  
Once inside you slam the door closed and lock it behind you  
You drop your bag to the floor and run to the kitchen  
You grab a glass out of the sink and shove it under the tap, filling it with cloudy water and drinking it as fast as you can  
Then you feel it and you drop the glass into the sink  
"Shit"  
You run to the bathroom and just make it before you empty your stomach into the bath tub  
You retch until there's nothing left and you're left with a sour taste in your mouth and your clammy cheek pressed to the damp plastic of the tub  
Why is this happening  
Finally you force yourself to sit up and look at the contents of the tub  
It's normal looking vomit but more watery, and darker  
Okay it's not normal at all  
It smells like rancid fish and as the salty water drains you see small black spheres left on the grimy bottom of the tub  
Eggs  
You almost retch again but there's nothing left in your stomach so you just turn on the shower and run out of the bathroom  
You run back in with your bag and drop it to the ground as you kick off your boots and pull off your clothes  
You look at yourself in the mirror for a minute, taking in your white blond hair and sleep sunken purple eyes. Your face is smudged with makeup you haven't bothered to remove in days and there are marks on your sides where your skin used to fold but no longer does. T his whole thing has made you loose weight at an alarming rate  
The most prominent change though is the circular suction cup bruises on your skin, curling up your legs and around your arms  
Unable to look at yourself anymore you walk back over to the running shower and duck under the cold water, pulling the moldy shower curtain closed behind you  
You close your eyes and let the cold water run over your body  
You don't know how long you stand there but when you open your eyes you lean over and grab the bar of lavender soap stuck to the side of the tubb leaving soap scum behind  
You start to clean yourself and only when you look down do you see black liquid running passed your feet into the drain along with the pale purple of your soap and the cloudy water  
You look at your feet and to your horror you see that the black eggs are still there  
You step back and feel something squish under your foot. You jump and lift your foot to look at what you stepped on and sure enough the  eggs are smashed there, stuck to your skin and starting to run black liquid off your skin  
You scrub off both your feet in a hurry and turn off the water, practically jumping out of the shower  
This is, of course, not a good idea because as your wet feet hit the bathroom tile you slip and fall, smacking your head on the side of the tub  
You curse and rub your head as you push yourself up and start to dry off your hair   
You walk out into your dark bedroom, towel drying your hair as you head for your bed  
You toss the towel on the floor and start to dig through the pile of clean laundry at the base of your bed  
Once you've pulled out a pair of clean underwear and a shirt you get changed, pulling the dry clothes over your still wet skin and walk out into the kitchen  
You walk over to the fridge to look for something to eat before work. You're not really hungry, especially after that episode in the bathroom, but you know you need to eat something before work  
Unfortunately the contents of your dinky little fridge includes on a few pieces of over ripe and rotten fruit, half a loaf of bread that looks like it's gone moldy, and a jar of grape jelly. You'll have to go grocery shopping on your way home from work  
You sigh, grabbing the bread and jelly and push the door shut behind you  
You untwist the bag and pull out  two pieces of bread causing crumbs to fall all over the linolium counter top and reach over to grab a knife out of the sink  
Once you've picked off the moldy parts of the bread you twist open the jar and smear jelly onto the bread  
You stand leaning against the counter, eating your jelly sandwich and watching a bug crawl up the wall  
You have time before work to take a nap so once you've finished your sandwich you head back into the bedroom and crawl under the mess of sheets and comforter. It's your own fault its so cold in here for not paying the heating bill but you don't really have the money for that right now. Instead you just curl up under the comforter and close your eyes. Beside you your phone vibrates, alerting you to a message and you groggily reach over and check it. The lights from the screen makes you squint in the dark as you read the message that just came in

 **turntechGodhead** started pestering **tentacleTherapist** at 5:13pm  
**TG** : yo Rose  
**TG** : just checkin to see if you're like, alive out there  
**TG** : maybe you can take a break from all your weird shit and come hang with me and John and Jade, we're gonna watch some shitty indie horror movies on Netflix and make some pizza  
**TG** : just hit me up if you feel like coming over  
**TG** : see ya  
**turntechGodhead** ceased  pestering **tentacleTherapist** at 5:13pm

You shove your phone under your pillow without replying and turn over with your back to the open window. As you close your eyes again you try to ignore the distinct feeling of something moving in your stomach and prepare yourself for another dream of drowning in black waters and being pulled down by tentacles. This is why you can't sleep.


	2. honey bee boy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I'm thirty-five and remember all that I've done wrong.”   
> ― Ada Limon, Bright Dead Things
> 
> So there's this really cool dude, right. He's a freelance computer coder that hacks the wifi of the grocery store down the street for fun (basically all the employees do is watch porn) and sleeps maybe two hours every two days. This really cool dude meets this really cool girl who happens to be vomiting salt water bile and black eggs all over her bathroom floor. What the fuck is he supposed to do about that?  
> 

**Sollux**

  
You wake up to the sound of your phone ringing and the smell of coffee  
You push yourself up on your desk and rub your eyes, feeling around for your glasses and finding them in a bowl of mac and cheese. You slip them on over your long bony nose. Once you can see, or sort of anyways, your lenses are smudged, you grab your phone and answer the call without checking the caller ID.   
"What?"  
"Good morning to you too"   
"Aradia?"  
"Of course it's me, who else would it be?" she says and you can hear the smile in her voice   
"I don't know, maybe my girlfriend" you say, leaning back in your chair and stretching your arms above your head causing your back to make a sickening crack  
"Well Feferi  _is_ looking for you, which is actually part of why I'm calling. She and Eridan were at the book store with me but they went out to get some lunch"  
"Whats the other reason you're calling?" you ask  
"Just come over"  
You groan, "fine, whatever, but you better have some fucking coffee waiting for me"  
She laughs, " I always have coffee"  
She hangs up and you throw your phone onto the table, standing and yawning   
You pick your way around your mess of an apartment until you find some clean(ish) clothes and throw them onto the bed, which is basically just a mess of sheets and computer cords   
You pull off your sweat sticky shirt and sniff at it, the smell is somewhere between college student cramming for finals and frat boy who fell asleep in a pool of beer. Acceptable, at least to you, but you're going to see Feferi today so you should probably put on a clean shirt  
You dig around for a clean shirt and find one on the floor by the base of your twin sized mattress  
Thinking the phrase 'twin sized mattress' of course makes you thing of the Front Bottoms song of the same name  
Great, now you're gonna have that stuck in your head all day  
Once you get changed into a new pair of boxers and jeans you grab your incredibly unstylish bomber jacket that you found thrift shopping with Aradia and head out the door  
You take the stairs two at a time, as you do every day, and walk out into the cold air   
You make your way through the winding streets hunched over with your hand shoved deep in the pockets of your jacket, ignoring the people around you as they ignore you  
When you make it to The Horrorterror you push through the door, jingling the bell loudly and pull the heavy wooden door closed hard behind you. The door sticks, if you don't shut it hard  
"Sollux!" Aradia greets, grinning and jumping to her feet behind the counter, messy black hair falling over her dark face   
"Sup AA?" you say, walking into the store and over to the counter   
She leans forward with her elbows braced against the worn wood of the counter, kicking her feet up onto her stool to talk to you excitedly, "I haven't seen you in so long!"  
"AA it's been two days"  
She rolls her eyes, "well that's long for us, I've seen you every day since we were four"  
You give her a sideways grin, "missed you too AA"  
"So, what's been up with you?" she asks, sitting back down onto the stool  
"not much, coding, eating take out" you say, shrugging  
"Have you been sleeping?" she asks seriously  
You shrug, "I got two hours last night"  
She smiles, "well, that's better than last time I saw you, oh!" she grabs your wrist and pulls you behind the counter, "I have something to show you"  
"Lets see it" you say, coming to stand behind her as she takes her place at the counter  
"I found this book, Til Death, it's in this programming language for 'imminently deceased programmers', I thought of you would like it. Apparently it's basically just infinite loops of code but if anyone can figure it out it's you" she says, giving you a red lipstick grin  
"AA" you say, leaning around her to look at the book and start turning the pages, "this is awesome"  
She smiles, she's always smiling now, it's been a long time since you've seen her smile  
You take a seat on the floor behind the counter, leaning against the glass case full of gems and jewelry. The sheep scull that sits on the bookshelf across from you holding up the books of 'special importance', which Aradia calls Bing Crosby (you'll never understand her fascination with him), stares at you as you turn the pages of the dusty black tome  
Aradia sits on the stool at the counter beside you, working on her tarot card project as you read and outside it starts to rain  
Some time later the door opens and rings the bell and you look up from your book to see a pair of small, wet black shoes standing in the door  
"Rose!" Aradia calls, smiling and jumping up from her stool and running around the counter. You push yourself up and see that the black shoes belong to a small, curvy girl with white blond hair dressed all in black. She looks up and meets your eyes with her bright, lavender ones lined with tick black and gives you a smile with her plump, black painted lips.  
"Hello Aradia" she says, smiling at her  
"How did the lavender help at all?" Aradia asks, walking over to Rose  
Rose glances to the side before smiling again, "it helped with the headaches but my stomach is still sick"  
"That's great! Oh! Rose" She turns to you, "I want you to meet Sollux"  
"Sup" he says, raising a hand in greeting  
She gives you a smile thats almost...smug, but she has nothing to be smug about (you later learn that that is just her smile), "hello Sollux, it's a pleasure to meet you"   
"Sollux has the same problem with headaches, I thought maybe he could help" Aradia says   
"AA I'm not exactly the best person to come to about this considering I still get headaches every fuckin day" you say  
"Don't be such a grump" Aradia says, punching you lightly in the arm. It still hurts, she doesn't realize how strong she is  
Rose smiles, "well I appreciate it, I am going to do some more research for my book." She turns on her heel and walks out of site to the back of the store where all the books on dark magic are  
"Book?" you ask, turning back to Aradia  
"Yes, Rose writes wizard books, 'Complacency of the Learned"  
You raise an eyebrow, "wizard books?"  
"Well, yes, the plot centers around a wizard, Zazzerpan and a young apprentice, Calmasis, but the books are apparently much deeper than that. Supposedly they are allegorical retellings of the events of a world that once but no longer existed. I'm not the type to read into things like that but knowing Rose I think that's probably true"  
You glance over at where you can see Rose sitting on the floor with books strewn on the dirty carpet around her. In her lap is a massive black tome and she is looking closely at it, turning the thin pages quickly  
"When is FF coming?" you ask, turning back to Aradia   
"Her and Eridan should be here soon" Aradia says   
You groan, "she has to bring Eridan?"  
"Sollux she always brings Eridan" Aradia says   
"Doesn't mean I have to like it" you say, shoving your hands back in your pockets and hunching over   
Aradia giggles, "you're such a grump! he's not that bad"  
"He's the biggest douche in existence" you say  
"No, I think that would be his brother"  
You're about to argue but the bell over the door rings and you're hit with cold, wet air as Feferi and Eridan pile into the little bookstore.  
"Sollux!"  
You turn just in time for Feferi to practically tackle you in a hug, her massive mess of dark hair wet with rain  
She lets go of you but keeps her cold, dark skinned hands on your arms, "I missed you!"  
Behind her Eridan rolls his eyes  
"heh, FF it's only been a week" you say, smiling a little  
Her face becomes serious, plump pink lips pouting, "have you been eating? have you been sleeping? oh Sollux you look so tired" shes says, tightening her grip on your arms  
"I'm fine FF, I got a few hours in last night" you say  
She gives you a huge smile "thats great!"  
"If you don't mind I'm gonna leave you two to be gross now" Eridan says, pushing his way passed you to the magic section. You glance back and see that Rose is still sitting at the end of that shelf but now with more books around her  
Feferi is distracted by the gems and jewelry in the glass case and runs over to look at them, forgetting about you completely. Aradia sits down with her and excitedly tells her the meaning of all the gems which leaves you alone  
You look over at Eridan who has is long nose stuck in some book about incantations and then over at Rose again. There's something about her that's dark but intriguing, like a thunderstorm that's just about to hit  
You walk over and lean against the bookshelves beside her, making sure your dirty old sneakers don't kick over any of her stacks of books  
She stops reading and looks up at you with those same purple gaze that makes you feel like she can see everything and you shift your eyes to break contact   
"Can I help you, Mr. Captor?" she asks, that same almost smug smile on her face   
You raise your eyebrows, "nah, I'm too fucked up for help"  
She laughs, a light sound that makes you shake. She pats the carpet beside her with a delicate dark hand and you see that her nails are painted with chipping purple polish. She doesn't seem like the type to let her nailpolish stay chipped.  
You look at her for and shrug, sitting down and pulling your long skinny limbs up to avoid the stacks of books  
There's silence for a minute before she says, "how do you know Aradia?"  
You turn to her, "AA? We've been best friends since we were kids"  
"You dated as well?" she asks although its more of a statement, a fact she knows to be true  
You're taken aback, "uh, yeah, for a while, how did you-?"  
Rose turns to you, her bright unnerving eyes on yours, "I see things"  
You don't know what to say. There's the initial urge to get up and leave because obviously there's something wrong with this girl but there's also an urge to tell her that you see things to. Instead of course, you only get out, "what?"  
She keeps her face very serious before breaking into a smile. She laughs and covers her mouth with a hand. "I'm just fucking with you"  
For some reason you feel disappointment in hearing that but you just roll your eyes "oh great, I just love being fucked with"  
She smiles, "you remind me of my brother"  
"Oh, is your brother also an insufferable prick?" you ask  
She laughs again, "how did you know?"  
You shrug, "I know myself"  
"I haven't seen you around The Horrorterror before" she says, eyes back on her book  
"I'm around sometimes, what are you always here or something?" you ask  
"Well normally about once a week, I come in to do research for my books but this last month I have been having some...difficulties" she says   
"The headaches?" you asks   
She nods and looks to the side, "among other things, yes"  
You nod in understanding, "how do you know AA?" you ask  
"Just from here, she's the only person ever working when I come in. I have a theory she may be the only employee in the entire store" she says   
You nod, "she's the only one that is ever really around. Her sister comes around sometimes but usually she just ends up sitting in the back smoking and yelling on the phone in Japanese. The owner is some guy, Doctor Scratch, and from what Aradia tells me he sounds like a creep" you say  
Rose goes still, dropping the book to her lap  
You look at her in questioning but you don't even have time to ask before she's slammed the book shut and stood up  
"I have to go" she says, regaining her composure but her hands are still shaking, "it was a pleasure to meet you" she says and then she's turning the corner and walking out of sight.  
"Oh Rose you're leaving?" Aradia asks, turning from where she and Feferi are organizing some of the gems by meaning  
Rose smiles tightly and only now do you notice that her black lipstick is drying and cracking on her lips, "yes, I have a prior engagement, thank you for all your help, Aradia"  
"Come back as soon as you can I'll give you a free reading with my new tarot deck"  
Rose smiles and turns for the door, "thank you again, Aradia" and then the bell over the door ring, the rain outside becomes loud and the room gets cold and then everything is silent again as the door closes  
"So" Aradia says, turning to you, "breakfast?"  
you shrug, "I could eat"  
"Good, you're going to eat" Feferi says from behind you, still moving some of the gems onto the counter. She turns to Eridan, "you too mister"  
Eridan groans, "Fef I'm a grown ass adult I can take care a myself ya know"  
"You're going to whine and complain the whole time that there's nothing you like and then you'll just sit there and sulk the whole time and I am having none of that today" Feferi says sternly   
"Where are we even goin?" He asks   
"How about Ms. Paint's Diner down the street?" Aradia asks   
"I'm always a slut for diner food" you say, "and shitty coffee"  
"Oh I love their waffles!" Feferi says, smiling widely and clapping her hands in excitement    
"uhg I don't wanna go to a fuckin diner Fef" Eridan says   
she rounds on him and narrows her dark pink eyes, "you're going and you're going to like it and if you don't you're at least not going to ruin it for everyone else" she says   
"But I don't wanna Fef"  
Feferi rolls her wide eyes and sighs, "they have those blueberry pancakes you like, remember, the ones I got you when you were sick"   
He pouts his lip and looks down, shoving his hands in the pockets of his jacket   
"Fine"  
Feferi smiles grabs Eridan by the arm, pulling him through the door and out into the rain  
Aradia follows which leaves you to shut the door  
Aradia locks up and you head down the street to the diner   
You have a good time, Aradia and Feferi talk loudly over everyone else in the diner, you actually eat something other than Easy Mac and Eridan doesn't even complain that much  
You spend the day at Feferi and Aradia's and Eridan stays the night. You walk home, needing to be up to work on a coding job tomorrow morning  
You walk home in silence, hearing only the sound of your footsteps and the dripping of the rain. It has stopped raining but everything is still wet and the sky is dark  
A sound breaks the silence and you look across the street to see a figure doubled over in an alley  
You glance around and then groan, no one else is here  
You jog across the street and cautiously approach the person  
They're retching violently, their whole body shaking   
"Hey, are you okay?" you ask, leaning down to try to see their face  
The person doesn't answer, instead throwing up one more time before coughing and straightening up to look at you with familiar lavender eyes  
"Rose?"  
She wipes the vomit from her mouth with the back of her hand and regains her composure although her usually darker skin is now very pale  
"I'm okay, thank you for asking, Mr. Captor"  
You look between her and the puddles of vomit at your feet   
"Are you going home or are you just hanging out in an alley in the middle of the night for fun?" you ask  
She laughs humorlessly, "I was on my way home from a friends"  
"Well how close is your place?"  
"Why are you asking?" she asks, raising an eyebrow  
You roll your eyes, "because you just threw up like all the fucking liquid in your body"  
She looks to the side, "not far...thirteen blocks"  
You groan, "come on"  
"What?" she asks  
"Come on" you repeat  
When she still looks at you questioningly you rolls your eyes, "you can stay at my place"  
"And why would I want to do that?" she asks, giving you that smug smile again  
"Because I'm no source on health but I'm pretty fuckin sure you shouldn't walk thirteen blocks after throwing up like that"  
She nods and then smiles, "okay, I appreciate it, thank you. Which way is your place?"  
You nod in the direction and she grins, turns on her heel and starts walking   
"Where are you going?" you ask  
She looks over her shoulder at you but keeps walking, "your place"  
You take a deep breath and groan, moving to follow her but something squishes under your feet  
You look down to see that the sidewalks is flooded with black inky liquid that is beginning to run off into the drainage ditch. As the liquid falls away it leaves behind small, white through orbs on the concrete.   
You lean down to look closer and when you see something move inside one of them your stomach twists and you straighten up  
They're eggs 


End file.
